The Author, Jyoti Vats, is a 2nd year BA.LLB student at Panjab University, Chandigarh. She is currently interning with LatestLaws.com.
“Alexa was in graduation when the abuse was begun. Her partner of a few month groped her in public places, threw a suitcase at her while she was napping on couch, and threatened to throw her out. There was jealousy, screaming and hostility towards Alexa’s friends when they overheard the fighting. She thought about seeking help but wondered how she would explain the abuse. She thought who would going to believe her?”
The opening words give a basic idea about existence of abuse and violence within same-sex/gender relationship. These words also reveal some of the challenges to address the relationship violence within lesbian/ gay/ bisexual/ transgender/ queer (LGBTQ) community.
Before jump onto the core issue which is the need to address abuse in LGBTQ community, it become essential to understand what constitute LGBTQ relationship. The term LGBTQ is an umbrella term intended to emphasize diversity of sexuality and gender-based culture. It may refer to anyone who is non-heterosexual and non-cisgender. LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender respectively. It is an Inclusive term. To recognize all those people whose sexuality is not known the letter ‘Q’ has been inserted who identify as Queer. We come across so many people who identify their gender outside the gender binary system of male and female. Thus, they come under the meaning of LGBTQ. Some individuals within same-sex relationship identify themselves as lesbian or gay whereas some other as bisexual or queer depending upon their sexual orientation.
Abuse in LGBTQ relationship
Everyone deserve a good and healthy relationship regardless of their sexual orientation. Like heterosexual relationships, homosexual or same-sex/gender relationships are also considered as smooth and successful. Simultaneously, we should also remember that all the relationships have potential to become abusive for various reasons i.e. quick involvement, jealously etc. and so the LGBTQ relationships are also likely to be. Abuse in context of LGBTQ relationship refers to same-sex/gender abuse. In simple words it can be put as hurting and insulting the other partner of same sex or same gender from less to a greater extent. Contrary to the social opinion which states that partner abuse can’t exist in same-sex couples, violence or abuse is also faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender couples which may include physical, emotional and sexual abuse etc. They do so in order to express their feelings, to control the thoughts of their partner or to stop their partner from leaving the relationship. Studies reveal that intimate partner violence is comparable to or more than that of heterosexual couples.
It has always been observed that the same tactics are used in LGBTQ relationship violence which people generally use in heterosexual relationship. Also, the types of abuse and violence are more or less similar. A person may physically be abused by hitting, beating, slapping, punching or by inflicting some kind of injuries. Sexual abuse is a drastic form of abuse which can involve raping someone with some sharp object, having sexual intercourse against their will or making some vulgar or sexual comments etc. Emotional abuse may include threat to commit suicide, isolation, threat to kill, manipulation, humiliation etc. A person in abusive relationship might use all tactics of these kind. One may try to control the thoughts of other partner in intimate relationship. Any individual may succeed in hurting, harassing, insulting and beating the other because our society doesn’t recognize the rights of LGBTQ couples. Thus, we find a similarity between the forms and patterns of the abuse in all kind of relationship but the response of society varies from couple to couple. The picture of abuse in same-sex community has recently become more apparent because this community has been found to hide the myth that there is no such problem in LGBTQ couples. According to statistics, partner violence occur in 30 to 40% of LGBTQ couples.
From above mentioned case of Alexa, it can be inferred that it is not easy for victims of abusive relationship to go to someone and express all what has happened to them. Before going to somebody, the first and foremost thought which always bothers is who will be going to believe these incidences of same-sex partner abuse. As society doesn’t recognize abuse in same-sex relationship, Victims of LGBTQ relationship believe that nobody will come forward to help them. So, revealing all these facts to people will only make a mockery of them.
Social acceptance is a factor that LGBTQ people have to fight for in order to receive the services and justice. Our society has some different set of rules to define what is meant to be a man and a woman. A man is always considered as a Masculine, loud, dominant, aggressive, bread earner etc. whereas the definition of woman is quite opposite to it. Being a woman means she should be submissive, soft, home-maker, feminine etc. When a man is being harassed or abused in a relationship, he afraid to disclose the fact just to maintain the stereotypes of the society. That’s why in most of the gay relationships victims decides to suffer alone. Research shows that men are more vulnerable in homosexual relationship than in heterosexual domestic violence. In various studies, it has been observed that homosexual men are just as likely as heterosexual women to be victims of domestic violence. Male community often finds it hard to ask for help from somebody because of meaning and values attached to their manhood. They are likely to feel shame and loss of self-confidence. They hesitate to report such matter from the fear of being left in isolation.
As far as women are concerned in abusive relationships of same-sex, they are equally vulnerable as the heterosexual women are. There is a large difference in existence of violence between heterosexual and lesbian relationships. Lesbians are not protected against the abusive relationship whereas heterosexual women have various ways where they can find remedy for the injustice with them. It is not accepted in our society that a woman can do any kind of wrong to another woman specially when they are sharing a romantic bond or relationship. Though we don’t have any exact data to prove the intensity of violence between lesbian couples because in absence of any support from the government and society victims choose to stay quiet.
Studies estimate that one-third of lesbians have been the victims of sexual assault. Messenger study of 2011 highlight that lesbian women are at a higher risk of being involved in partner abuse, followed by heterosexual women, gay men, and heterosexual men. This kind of data have collected from the survivors of the abusive relationship. Most of research have done intending to focus on a particular section of population, such as lesbians and gay men, rather than entire LGBTQ community. Less reporting of cases pertaining to abuse in LGBTQ relationship show the lack of support from the society and our legal system.
Studies have shown that one in ten transgender people have experienced relationship abuse. And over half of those surveyed have experienced some form of harassment over their lifetime Sadly many victims are unaware of what is happening to them. They just think of the intimate partner violence as a part of their relationship. So, they let the perpetrator do what they want to do with them. According to statistics, adolescents and adults indulging in LGBTQ relationship experience more intimate partner violence than heterosexual relationship. It looks like staying in an abusive relationship is more a choice than an option. People choose to stay in abusive relationship because they might be unaware of what is happening to them and when they come to know about intimate partner abuse, they presume that nobody will believe on what they are going through. Further, if they reveal all about their partner’s violence, they may be left isolated from the whole community. So, they decide not to report these matters. Therefore, to determine the prevalence of abuse in this community become difficult.
In an abusive relationship for same-sex couples heterophobia, transphobia & biphobia make it harder to address the violence in their relationship. In our society discrimination and oppression are always directed towards a person who is not a part of socially dominated class and same-sex couples are always looked down upon. People think of them as ‘perverted’ and ‘sick’ Thus, there are certain concern within the LGBTQ community. They try to refrain themselves from any public discussion on partner abuse in their community. They think it will only add to the negative stereotype that already exist against their community. The relationship between same-sex or same-gender in many countries is legally valid but societal recognition has not been given yet. Often it has been seen that consequences for both victim and perpetrator are almost negative. They both get isolated from the major part of their community. Perpetrator can lose the support from rest of LGBTQ community. So, both survivor and perpetrator can have negative impact on their life in long-term.
Due to mainstreaming of heterosexism, LGBTQ people have to face many barriers in order to get services and support. As compare to heterosexual community, LGBTQ community is more vulnerable for denial of services. For an instance, if a gay or bisexual man visits a hospital with some physical injuries, he is less likely to be asked about any intimate partner violence, whereas in case of a woman opposite picture can be seen. Also, it has been observed that person leaving homosexual relationship are at a greater risk of being homeless as very less options or services or shelter homes are available to them. Moreover, the abusive relationship can have a long-lasting impact on one’s health and mental state. Violence affects people in various ways from emotional break-down to physical injuries. Individual may feel depressed and isolated.
Therefore, some initiative should be taken in order to ease the difficulties of same-sex couples. First of all, people should be made aware about the fact that same-sex couples may also be a victim of intimate partner abuse. There is not any hard and fast rule to decide which relationship can become a cause for the abuse. All relationship irrespective of sexual-orientation, may become abusive for one or other reason. So, it would be clearly wrong to say that abuse can exist only in heterosexual relationship. A societal recognition should be given to Intimate partner abuse in gay and lesbian couples.
A non-heterosexist and LGBTQ-inclusive language should be incorporated in providing services to the victims of abuse so that LGBTQ people may realize they are welcome in the society and in case of discrimination on the basis of their sexual or gender orientation clear policies should be framed to provide them justice. Organizations and NGOs must ensure a better coordination with the LGBTQ people and try to provide timely guidance and awareness about intimate partner violence within same-sex or same-gender couples. A positive societal response is all what they need the most. To address the abuse between intimate partners, workshops, seminars and conferences should also be held. Open talks and discussion should be held to address this abuse. To give victims a comfortable zone, counselling session should be organized by the experts as normally organized for heterosexual relationships. LGBTQ people themselves can take initiative steps to make survivor feel at home. Societal and cultural acceptance should be given to the same-sex or same-gender relationship so that they may come up against the wrong which has been done to them without being afraid of who will believe them.
Though a greater work is being done for and by the LGBTQ community to address the abuse in their relationship. As vital and important as it is for the LGBTQ people to respond positively to the needs of their own community, the mainstream or heterosexist should also ensure the same level of corporation and support towards LGBTQ community. We all should be ready to welcome the community into our society. Victims of partner abuse are victims. It would be wrong to consider their sexuality and their relationship then. They are equally entitled to justice.
References:
1) http://www.self.com/story/why-its-so-hard-to-talk-about-domestic-abuse-in-lgbtq-relationships
2) http://www.ukessays.com/essays/sociology/domestic-violence-of-homosexual-sociology-essay.php
3) Relationship Violence in Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/Queer[LGBTQ] Communities Moving Beyond a Gender-Based Framework - Violence Against Women Online Resources(2005)
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