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Legal Jokes @ Latest Laws

Humor in Court-

Court Wit
Court Wit

Things actually said in court:

Judge: I know you, don’t I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.

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From a defendant representing himself…
Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I stole your purse?
Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse.
Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.

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Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys?
Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution.
Juror: That’s not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at
birth, too.

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Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can’t they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.

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Wit 1
Wit 1

Lawyer: Tell us about the fight.
Witness: I didn’t see no fight.
Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see.
Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the men
swung around and changed partners, they would slap each other, and
one fellow hit harder than the other one liked, and so the other one
hit back and somebody pulled a knife and someone else drew a six-shooter
and another guy came up with a rifle that had been hidden under a
bed, and the air was filled with yelling and smoke and bullets.

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Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn’t interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the
defendant’s motion?
Public Defender: I’m sorry, Your Honor. I wasn’t listening.

——————————————————————————-

Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkeness. Have you
anything to say in your defense?
Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?

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Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the
court?
Judge: Of course.
Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?
Judge: I’d hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in
jail.
Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?
Judge: I can’t do anything about that. There’s no law against
thinking.
Defendant: In that case, I think you’re a son of a bitch.

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Family Law Judge to Mother: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?

Mother: I do.

Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?

Mother: Sure. I get everything I want.

——————————————————————————-

Family Law Judge to Father: Do you have anything to offer this court before I issue my judgement?

Father: No your honour, my lawyer took it all.

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Q : Arrange marriage mein talaak kam kyon hote hain?
A : Jo apni marzi se shaadi nahi kar sakta woh saala talaak kya khaak lega.

——————————————————————————-

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.


 

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One comment

  1. Theoretically, our government is just us doing tinghs together. But in reality often government acts more like a them doing stuff to us than us doing tinghs together.Our state and national constitutions set limits on what government can do and how it can do it. Many laws place further limits on what government can do. Courts play a critical role in protecting us from ourselves by making sure government acts within the limits we agreed to in our constitutions and statutes.State court judges don’t get to disagree with the United States Supreme Court when it is deciding the limits of the national government’s power. State trial court judges also don’t get to disagree with decisions of the state Supreme Court and the state Court of Appeals about the limits of the state’s power.But judges do not just decide what the government can and cannot do. Judges also exercise great governmental power themselves. I am not running to be a judge because I want to be powerful. I am running to be of service, and I expect to exercise the power I am entrusted with cautiously, and to follow the maxim I grew up with: the government that governs best governs least.

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